Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
