your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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