Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if only i could text you this smell
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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