I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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