it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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