is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
