I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
