he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
