love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
