i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
