I wish I only lived at night.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
