please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
