i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
