My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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