Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize