I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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