Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
