Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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