I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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