Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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