if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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