Please, let me fuck your mom
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
