I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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