mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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