I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
