What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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