I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize