I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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