I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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