You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
