put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
