We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
