of course. lets lasso hookers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
