I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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