Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
