I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
