I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
