Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
