Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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