I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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