I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
