She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
