yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
