Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
