Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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