He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
