Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
