Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need a beard to bite.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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