You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
