you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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