Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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