Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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