Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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