I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
