so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
