what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
