let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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