Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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