I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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