I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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