I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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