They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
