My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
