Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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