and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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