just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
