im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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