but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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