it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
