are you still at the devil's house?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
