guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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