Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
