I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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