Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
