I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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