also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Everclear isn't food dammit
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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