D3 body, D1 cock
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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