how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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